A TIN OF SALAMI
23rd November 2004, 02:47 PM
One Liners
A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.
If it works, rip it apart and find out why!
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
"What do you think about Western Civilisation?" "I think it would be a great idea." (Mahatma Gandhi)
A classic is a book that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
What is the fastest animal in the whole world?….. The last chicken in Ethiopia.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Some say I'm insane, but the voices in my head disagree.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone and you are God.
:mrgreen:
A cannibal is a guy who goes into a restaurant and orders the waiter.
If it works, rip it apart and find out why!
Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
If you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control.
Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
"What do you think about Western Civilisation?" "I think it would be a great idea." (Mahatma Gandhi)
A classic is a book that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.
All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Honk if you love peace and quiet.
OK, so what's the speed of dark?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
What is the fastest animal in the whole world?….. The last chicken in Ethiopia.
Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.
I tried sniffing coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
Some say I'm insane, but the voices in my head disagree.
How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
Kill one man and you are a murderer. Kill millions and you are a conqueror. Kill everyone and you are God.
:mrgreen: